We are in the year of 2017, and it boggles my mind that we are still experiencing misogyny, sexism, bigotry and let’s not even get started on the incredibly alarming fact that a rape culture is not only existent but thriving.
I’m still reading articles, Facebook posts and memes from both men and women, mainly men, elaborating as to why they think women should not dress “so sexy” because we are attracting the “wrong type of attention.” Posting pictures of ourselves in revealing clothing is a cry for a self esteem boost as one poor soul put it in his own blog post that you can check out here.
Have you heard Beyoncé’s flawless? Of course you have, it’s Beyoncé. But in case you haven’t, here’s a link to it, Flawless by Beyonce. Pay attention mainly to the speech of women’s activist: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, which starts at about 1:25 of the song. This incredible excerpt originally came from her book and a TEDx speech in which she titled “Everyone Should Be A Feminist.” “Why is it we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we do not teach boys the same?” It is an extremely well versed question.
Biologically and historically speaking, men aren’t built for marriage or commitment according to a book I read titled “Why men want sex and women need love” (Allan and Barbara Pease). According to this book, men want to sew their seeds for population, it doesn’t necessarily matter who or how many women it’s with as long as their offspring are healthy and can survive. However, in return for sharing our bodies for the sake of carrying a man’s child and helping him continue his bloodline, women want to know that we will be protected and provided for especially as women are the primary care takers. That is the most basic and general scope of the differences of agendas between men and women. But we are many years from where mankind first started and have made such strides in technology and communication with people all around the globe, but socially not much has changed. We are still teaching our children to think like our very early ancestors, primarily our daughters. Why are men taught to be so entitled and resilient and girls are taught to be lady like and complacent? I have a 3 year old daughter and I’m still unclear as to exactly what the hell lady like means. Nor do I want to teach my daughter a way of going about life in a way that I couldn’t teach my son. Yes, genetically men and women have different builds, physically and mentally, but if my daughter should have to learn how to dress “accordingly” then so does my son. If I don’t mind my son being promiscuous, there should and would be no difference for my daughter. I’m speaking figuratively of course (because I would mind my son being promiscuous, for obvious health and lifestyle reasons), but in a literal sense, if sleeping around makes a woman a whore, then it should also make a man the same. If it is celebrated among men, why is it frowned upon on women?
Today’s society is all about our phones, computers, laptops, tablets and any other communication device there is out there. Jordyn already partakes in it, using her iPad on a daily basis. A phenomenon that is greater now than ever before, is the desire to share what we’re up to and as often as possible. This includes the food we eat, the places we go and even the arguments we have (which needs to stop btw). Sharing what we wear is no different. Well what’d ya know!? In a world of sharing every damn thing, a woman sharing her outfit or curves is considered a cry for attention by men… in 2017. Really? Generally what men and some [conformist] women seem to agree with is that if I’m at the beach in my bathing suit and decide to post a picture of myself, in the bathing suit I already have on, then I’m seeking attention and a boost of self esteem. Hmm. I’ll have to make a note of that for future reference next time I’m at the beach. However, the muscle head guy a few beach towels away from me can post a topless photo online and gets emoji eyes from women and inquiries from men as to where he works out and if he’s got any pointers for them. This does not reflect or include the views of religious groups such as muslims who’s way and choice of life is overall, conservative. This is for the all American man and people of other cultures who are similar and/or “free” like the Americas. When Sacha Cohan, an actor who also goes by the name: Borat, wore a lime green “mankini” aka a one-piece thong bathing suit, the Internet exploded in laughter and some disgust but NEVER accused The comedian of being attention seeking or having low self esteem. The likely very different response if it would have been a woman is what it was because it was not a woman wearing it. Or otherwise, men would’ve been looking at her as a piece of meat, and women at the beach would’ve been snatching their edges and their men for dear life.
So is it safe to infer that the problem is not the piece of clothing or lack thereof, the problem is women? “By Joe I think I’ve got it!” Here’s what a woman of color and self assigned feminist (I found it important to point out that I am a black feminist, as white women who are feminist, generally are fighting for the rights of white women, not women of color, but that’s for another post) has to say about this issue of men and the complacent women who have conformed themselves to the “mans world”
Instead of focusing on women and what we’re wearing and how it makes you feel, men ought to focus more on preparing to be fathers if they aren’t already one and figures in their communities that young, impressionable boys can look up to. If men could realize their error and how they have been undermining their most valuable resource, women, more specifically a black woman, there could be hope for the future. There is an unfortunate number of single mothers out here. Especially in the black community. There is only so much a woman can teach a young man. Learning how to treat a woman is best instilled by sight and real-world practice and that, my dear Watson, needs to be taught by a man. Men you must first comprehend this and then;
-Teach your sons that marriage is a partnership. Not an opportunity to dominate a woman’s life.
Generally, women in 2017 don’t GAF what you think about us, unless we’re crushing on you. The likely hood of that crush remaining once your bigotry is showing is slim. And guess what it’s only going to get worse from here, for you misogynists and bigots.
-Women are tired and getting really fed up with the way things are in our society where we are treated as less than and are paid less than in the same career fields and titles as men when we are literally the blood line and back bone of mankind. Not to mention that black women in the US are the highest group of college graduates with the highest grades.
-My hips, my curves, my smile, my hair and everything else on my body is mine and mine alone. I will flaunt it when I want, not when I am asked to smile by a male stranger because I’m “pretty” and he thinks that’s enough reason to walk around looking like the joker just smiling from ear to ear for no apparent reason. Or when he makes a post about covering up my body so that it’s easier for him and his fellow creepers to fight their sexualizing (I may have just made up a word, that’s fine) instincts.
-No means no. If I didn’t say yes then assume it’s a no. Not a maybe. Not a could be. Not a possibly. Not an “I’ve had 3 drinks and you’re getting cuter.” Not, look at what she’s wearing, she was asking for it. Not an I’m unconscious so I technically didn’t NEED to give you consent. Just NO. Unless I explicitly say YES!… you’re not invited to anything on my body, neither are your opinions about what I do with it.
– I feel a lot safer posting a picture of myself in a swimsuit online than walking past a group of men in a sweat suit with a hood on, ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. Is the problem really women? I’ll wait…
– It’s not us, it’s you (men and a few deranged women). The entitlement and matter of factly way that men get to go around and spew their opinions with little to no one really challenging them is a reflection of the male privilege. The fact that a man thinks he can and does comment on a woman’s choice of attire speaks volumes.
-Thanks to the ever growing percentage of girls growing up without their fathers, more and more young women are realizing, if you want shit done, you’ve got to do it yourself. In conclusion, the 2017 woman has got shit to do. Sure there’s plenty of women who aspire to marry one day, but babee if I’m not already at the top of my career and experienced all the things that life has to offer me as a single and free woman, chances are that day of me walking down an isle in a white dress and bouquet in hand is not today. If marriage requires me to be less of myself, in effort to make my husband be more comfortable with being himself, then marriage isn’t for me. Women nowadays are so much more focused on securing themselves and their offspring BECAUSE of the fact that so many men aren’t taught the value of a woman and how to be valuable to her as a man and an equal partner. So while we’re bossing up, please feel free to tuck your male privilege and keep your slut shaming commentary to yourself. Thankies!
Life and Love
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